What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 08:19
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
When do you feel most peaceful ever?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What does it mean when someone is pretending to be me?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were not on the streets..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Can shaving hair by Veet in our vagina cause diseases?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What should I do? I'm 17 and I'm dating a 23-year-old guy.
She was in good health!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was scared of men, in general
I waited trembling.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
How is it not psychopathic to use someone for sex, even if they agree?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My life is so biszare .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So whats the point in blame.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What did i know ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She found it foreign!.
She married twice! .
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was 9 years of age.
We all went to grammer schools
Would this be the day?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
All the time i was locked up.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And i lived it daily.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ive learnt so much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I said to her
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But, we were locked up after school.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I don,t even have a pension.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is soul school!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It was going to be , some day.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was seconnd youngest,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!